hello!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it is I Lia and am here to give an update on my life :D So far this year has been horrible.. depressiive episodes, anxiety flare ups, and just an overall lack of zest for life. I hope when school ends my predicament will get better. I like school, I forget that a lot of the time because I'm so depressed most of the time and often forget what I used to enjoy. Getting back into art, music analysis, and even starting to enjoy studying science again. To a good May and rest of 2024!
(p.s. today is the anniversary that my mother died so I'm struggling a bit but I hope to enjoy today regardless. i miss her so much :( )
hello once again.. updating this when i get a chance just wanted to put something here before i forget!!!!!
I have begain to wonder what is happening to me. I feel as if all my cognitive abilities have deteriorated. My brain feels as if it belongs to that of a child, I no longer have the ability to think critically anymore and wish nothing more to gain back all my cognitive, social, and emotional development back. There is a concept that was introduced by Freud (I know..) about how in a attempt to reconcile any troublesome emotions from trauma or mental abnormalities people will regress back to a younger mental age. (article about it here) And while i have looked at it I don't believe I have every regressed to a child like state, it just feels like everything I have worked towards in developing uselfull skills like time management, self-care (washing and eating), and simple things like writing seems difficult (eventhough I always had an issue with pencils and pens). I just wish I could go back to the person I used to be. A young girl dedicated to education, art, learning about different cultures, and had a passion for science. The curiosity I once had about chemistry and the natural world has slowly weakened. In highschool I was so much more active in taking interest in my academics, I would stay up late studying and wake up early if i forgot to do something before school started, but now I am like a lump of flesh that isn't deserving of all the patience I have been given by others. Its hard to tell people, especially professors of such complications becuase they most likely do not want to know about a student's personal business, but how else do I tell them I feel like a robot slowly shutting down. As I age the more incompetent I feel i become. There has to be something to reverse it. There has to...
~Lia ♡